Rei's Eyes
by Rondy Peredhil
Summary: Shinji's doubts and fears surface in his dreams with a confrontation of the Rei kind.


"Rei's Eyes"

A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfiction written by: Sarah Digna Yudlowitz

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Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is copyrighted to GAINAX productions and AD

Vision. Characters Shinji Ikari, Rei Ayanami, and any other characters

mentioned within these pages are also copyrighted under Neon Genesis

Evangelion.

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Author's note: I wrote this at like Three AM in the morning after staying up all night reading fan fiction. I wrote this one, however, after a weird dream I had about NGE's Rei Ayanami. Granted, there are a BUNCH of subtle spoilers about the series and its end, but you won't pick them up if you've never seen the series before. One of them is Rei's feelings for Shinji (whom she calls Ikari-kun in the subtitled version). I read a very nice fanfiction about Rei's misunderstanding of what is called "love" and if Shinji indeed loved her back.

I suppose that's enough spoiling for me. One of my favorite qualities about NGE is that sometimes you have to watch it over and over before you understand everything and each time you watch, you notice something different. The characters are so real and hard hitting as well. As one Otaku-lover once stated in a letter to the manga, "It's not about making the characters look real, it's about making them feel real." 

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"Ikari, Shinji."

Moments passed. Rei stood, her pale blue hair a gray dull within the

shadow that cast upon it by the moonlight. Her eyes were vibrant and

crimson, the last bit of color within the dark room which lay in a quiet

ruin. Shinji sat curled up in a corner, his school clothing still on,

and refused to acknowledge Rei's monotone voice. Everything about

Ayanami is a mystery to me, Shinji thought. His walkman hummed lowly,

the music rolling over the silent shadows of the room.

"Why do you hate your father?" Rei Ayanami said. Her question held

something within Shinji's heart that just didn't want to be answered.

Ayanami scares me, he thought. He turned slowly and began to rewind his

music, the mechanism of his thought. Rei watched him with care,

unblinking, unmoving, her skirt rustling in the soft breeze of the

spring night. Her red eyes, mysterious and unknowing feelings. She had

explained to Shinji on the night the fifth angel attacked that

her only feeling of living was her link to Eva. Eva linked her to not

only Gendo, but to humanity. Shinji told her his life was carried out in

an apathetic manner.

He wondered if piloting Eva would bring his death. He didn't care.

Rei's coldness only saddened him further. A silent respect, a silent

pity, and a silent prayer was within Shinji's heart for Ayanami. His

respect was grudging, for she had become closer to his father than he

had ever been. His pity was great, for she had even less than he. Her

morals were to obey and to obey alone to what her superiors and her

superiors alone commanded of her. His prayer was long, for the mystery

of Rei Ayanami was the mystery he felt fit within his heart. His empty

soul wondered why he lived and why he continued to pilot Eva unit 01.

"I don't...hate father," Shinji hesitated and breathed.

"Then you hate yourself," Rei replied and blinked. She moved closer

to Shinji, moving fluidly downward to sit on her knees and look into his

deep blue eyes, that rolled with insanity almost as fluidly as the

ocean's waves. Shinji forced himself to stare into Rei's eyes, dull and

vibrant at the same time. Her eyes held a mystery equal to a dormant

God. A God who's divinity cast upon the world in a superior shroud, yet

let the plagues of turmoil run rampant not by sheer will.

"Ayanami, I don't understand," Shinji sighed, staring into her eyes,

as if searching for answers. He felt her hand wrap around his and she

held it to his heart.

"All you will ever need to understand is what you know about the

world, Ikari, Shinji. It is what you are. It is your being of

existance," Rei said dully. Her warm touch chilled Shinji and he was

even more frightened. "If you accept that you live, then you will accept

the world and you will accept the existance of man."

"But I can never accept my existance!" Shinji yelled. He hung his

head, trembling and sobbing, his hand still held by Rei. She blinked and

let go of him as he hugged his knees, letting his shoulders shake. "I

will never understand why I was born!"

"Faith is something that a soul has, Ikari, Shinji. Your soul is

something that you breathe in existance."

"SHUTUP!" Shinji screamed. But he wanted Rei to care for him. He

wanted Asuka to care for him. He wanted Misato to care for him. His head

ached and raising his hands to his temples, he threw his earplugs aside,

his walkman hitting the ground, and his music, let free by its hit,

hummed through the room as he continued to sob and the song played over

and over in his mind, each note hitting him, although he didn't pay

attention to its sound. He acknowledged it as he acknowledged what the

universe was, but he didn't understand and the walkman hitting the

ground thundered back into his mind.......

....and he awoke. In a cold sweat he saw the moon's pale light creeping

over his body. He sat in bed, his walkman blaring and his pupils

dialated. He acknowledged it as he acknowledged the universe, Rei's

eyes, yet in acknowleding, he didn't understand. 


End file.
